At Benjamin, we hesitate to say, “Sorry for your loss,” when someone’s parent loses an election or “congratulations” when they win. We often avoid these simple gestures of acknowledgement because we’re afraid of offending someone or sparking the wrong conversation. We tread lightly, unsure if the smallest comments may be received. It’s not just about elections; whether it’s discussing current events, societal issues, or even personal experiences, we often hold back to share our true viewpoints. Why? Because we’ve grown cautious and insecure, fearing that our views might lead to judgment or argument. Our quest to be non-judgemental has gone too far, as now too few of us are willing to even share with others what it is we believe.  

We are extremely reluctant to bring up anything that touches on politics. There is not much conversation about immigration, gun control, the upcoming election of our president in the hallways. In fact, this month we seriously considered writing an editorial about gun control considering the most recent school shooting, but ultimately felt that any statement we would write may have been taken the “wrong way.” Right now, those who feel passionate about a particular candidate, law, or general issue avoid educated discussions for fear that their opinions will be misunderstood or dismissed. 

It is the same case with virtually any topic that might spark a debate. Take, for example, even the simplest of situations: students who are friends with the children of faculty members. These students often feel constrained when it comes to discussing their thoughts or experiences related to school or their class. They worry that expressing their opinions might create “awkwardness” or tension in the already precarious teacher-student/parent-child/friend-friend/teacher-child’s friend dynamic. This robs us of prime opportunities to engage in meaningful conversations on a personal level. Because of our cautiousness, we are missing out on important parts of other people, those people who make us our better selves.

So what comes from this? Not much. Avoiding these conversations doesn’t make us more cohesive, it makes us more distant. Important discussions are happening elsewhere, but not here, and that is something that we should change. 

So, how can we as a school promote an environment where we can have educated conversations and speak about controversial topics without fear of repercussions? 

One of the first steps in creating this open dialogue is to remind ourselves that not every disagreement is a personal attack. We are all entitled to our own views and when someone offers a different perspective, it is not a judgment towards you. For example, when a classmate disagrees with you about a political issue, it is easy to feel defensive, as if they are questioning your values. But in reality, they are not attacking you, they are sharing a different perspective. If we can recognize that disagreements aren’t judgments but simply differences in opinion, we may start to feel less threatened by those conversations and more open to having them. 

One way to do this is to focus on ideas rather than people. If we can separate someone’s opinion from who they are as a person, it makes it much easier to speak about these topics without things becoming personal. 

Additionally, it is important to accept that not every conversation needs a clear conclusion. Sometimes, the value of a conversation just lies in the conversation itself, not in reaching an agreement or decision. Some topics don’t have easy answers, and that is okay. Leaving certain topics open for debate can be just as valuable as finding a “solution.” However, avoiding these conversations altogether, stifles the kind of thinking we should be encouraging. 

We should be able to have a polite, respectful argument without fear. Disagreeing should not have to lead to conflict because they really can help us grow. They push us to think deeper, challenge our current views, and to see things in a new light. We need to strive to engage in these conversations with an open mind and make genuine attempts to understand where the other person is coming from. 

In the end, we have an opportunity to create a community where ideas are shared freely and where difficult conversations are welcomed rather than avoided. If we focus on listening, respecting others, and separating ideas from personal identities, we can build an environment where people feel comfortable sharing their opinions, one where no topic is too controversial to discuss.